On continued patterns of abuse, trauma-bonding, repercussions, and material bindings. — No incentive and no mind to change Abusers will gaslight, love-bomb, or guilt-trip you into staying with them or letting them stay in your life. They will most likely never change. Though, they might learn a lesson or two in losing a place in your life. But any possible reflection will not happen if they continue to…

We do not die completely when we are known, truly loved and known. It is an act of love and respect to be known in memory, to be held in memory, to have one’s memory in safe hands, to live on in memory. Grief is an act of love. Living…

Adjacent to Living And Dying with Abuse [Collected notes] Comparing cisheterosexual families to political states never gets old: “A home where a woman is abused is a small-scale model of much larger oppressive systems that work in remarkably similar ways. (…) The tactics of control, the intimidation of victims who…

Part XI of Living and Dying with Abuse Stories of success are usually there for that. I both hope and fear that I’m the only one with this particular experience. I both hope and fear that my telling of failure has no value in battling abuse, that only the telling…

Part X of Living and Dying with Abuse [TW: depression, suidical ideation] Anger Conflicting feelings hinder you from doing what you want to do. Rage may be all that you have left, the thing that gives you agency, and so you cling to it, or fail to suppress it — in…

Part IX of Living and Dying with Abuse [TW: depression, CPTSD, suicidal ideation] The wisest thing is to get out of an abusive environment quickly, but one may be particularly impeded when economically bound, traumatized, depressed, anxious, fatigued, chronically ill, disabled, or with executive dysfunctions. …

Part VIII of Living and Dying with Abuse Trauma and Mental Health Abused and traumatized people often do not recognize their symptoms or experiences until they get their hands on resources and learn about it. …

Part VIII of Living and Dying with Abuse Authentic self vs. traumatized self An abusive environment quenches you, dampens your personality and expression, cages you within the abuser’s perception, makes you afraid to take up space and to express yourself, to err, develop, and improve. Years of living with abuse can constantly stunt and traumatize…

Part VII of Living and Dying with Abuse Lack of and hindrance to accountability, teaching, learning, development “Complaints against him, including drawing any attention to how his behavior had hurt other people in the family, he is quick to stifle.” (Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That, p. 59) Accountability comes with the willingness to be held accountable. Abusers…